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Well, we actually track their performance while sending openers, handling the back-and-forth messages and even setting up dates for our clients! )There are 100s of online dating sites and apps out there, but what reels in the ladies on Tinder can torpedo your chances on Bumble.

It’s like we’re all playing some bland game of Mad Libs. I’m [good trait], [good trait], and [ideal virtue you wish you had but don’t]. Your personality, sense of humor, and storytelling ability are more important than the bare facts.

I'm looking for a partner-in-crime who enjoys the outdoors and isn't afraid to step on the dancefloor from time-to-time.

Don't worry if you have 'two left feet' - I spent six years training at the Gangnam-Style School of Dance, and can teach you how to do the hokey pokey for a nominal fee. As open-minded as I am, I have to draw the line at cigarettes. My cat Felix loves to meet new people, but if you're allergic to fur, the two of you probably won't get along.

Ultimately, I'd like to be known for serving the most delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on this side of the Mississippi... On my days off, you'll either find me playing hockey or belting out show-tunes with my 6-month-old nephew Jason.

He says we should take our act on the road, but I think he needs to brush up on his harmonies first.

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